The WORST opener in the history of writing

This is my entry for the Absolute Write blog chain for July. This month's prompt: the Mini Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. The Mini Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest means trying to write the worst possible first line of a book or story in the spirit of Edward "It was a dark and stormy night..." Bulwer-Lytton. "Worst" in this case is subjective, but florid and ridiculous purple prose is probably closest to the spirit of the thing. Here is mine:
 
It was an unusually well told dark and extremely out of the ordinary stormy, because thunder groaned in the abyss like a mad man, night, and by night the vultures cried yelps of pleas for the melancholy in the air had built up and just wouldn't vaporize.

Please visit all the awesome participants...Cheers!

orion_mk3 - http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com

AuburnAssassin - http://clairegillian.com
dolores haze - http://dianedooley.wordpress.com/
Horseflye - http://thecozylittleplot.blogspot.com/
Proach - http://www.deannaproach.com/
BigWords - http://bigwords88.wordpress.com/
jkellerford - http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com/
Ralph Pines - http://ralfast.wordpress.com/
Euclid - http://euclid-thoughts.blogspot.com/
Diana Rajchel - http://blog.dianarajchel.com/
pezie - http://www.erinbrambilla.wordpress.com/
Guardian - http://daewrites.blogspot.com/
egoodlett - http://wordlarceny.blogspot.com/
Alpha Echo - http://writersramblings81.blogspot.com/

P.S. Don't forget to scroll down and enter my HUGE blog giveaway! Loads of prizes that range from brand new books, to Amazon gift cards, to critiques. Cheers!

HUGE Blog Contest!

I miss blogging so much. Life has gotten sooo in the way, and of course so has writing. I've been waiting to do this blogging contest and I did plan to do it earlier...No excuses. My bad. But by now, I've definitely stocked up on more things to give away! Woot!

Let me start with your fave part, and mine too of course. The prizes!
Oh and did I forget to mention that this is my 100th post? From now on, I'm going to try to make blogging daily. I'm really behind.

First place:

- A brand new copy of Divergent by Veronica Roth, Graceling by Cashore, and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo!!! That is not even all....Scroll down.



- You ALSO get a $50 Amazon Gift Certificate! Awesome!

- And a critique of your query and partial by yours truly, me. I have experience with these things and I was just recently offered representation which I'm putting on hold, but that is another post.

So that is that for the first place. I think I'd like to win that myself!

Second place:

- You still get a copy of Divergent, but you also get the chance to win my second $25 Amazon Gift Certificate.

Third Place: Last but not at all least! You get an e-book PDF version of Pathfinder by Orson Scott Card and a critique of your query and partial by me. Great book by the way, and the cover is sick!

The rules: There have to be rules, right?

To enter simply leave your name and e-mail in the comment sections.

To get extra points:

Add 5 points if you blog about this contest. You have to add a link and add up your points.

Add 1 point for tweeting about the contest. Once again, add the link please.

Add 5 points if you are an old follower or if you're new add 2(if you followed me before today).

Have fun!

Cheers!

***Contest ends October 13!!! so hurry! 



June Blog Chain - Description

This post is part of the June 2011 Blog Chain at Absolute Write. This month’s challenge is a simple descriptive setting.

Here is my piece of descriptive writing from a novel which is on submission.

Alexis hated how her father always picked the cards she was dealt. She hated the way the Moscow streets smelt, and the way she could barely say a word in Russian when all eyes were on her. Inhaling, she stepped forward and pressed her hands deeper into the pockets of her parka. The warmth comforted like her mother once had in the chill of the night.



The soil below her boots was moist, the kind of moist that seeped into small puddles and sogged into the leather, making her shiver. She looked up at the moon. It looked too much like the same moon that she saw from her balcony in California, it was the same moon, yet it felt as if she was in a different world. A world she didn’t belong in. A branch cracked and she spun around, darting behind a prickly rose bush for cover. If her father would see her out at night he would…She froze.


The figure that came into the garden stomped over the flower beds with his boots and retrieved a tiny carton, probably a cigarette pack. Alexis kept completely still as tiny vapors of the evening mist condensed on her brow.




Check out this month’s other bloggers, all of whom have posted or will post their own responses:


orion_mk3 - http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com

juniper - http://www.katjuniper.com/
LadyMage - http://www.katherinegilraine.com/
dolores haze - http://dianedooley.wordpress.com/
jkellerford - http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com/
Ralph Pines - http://ralfast.wordpress.com/
AuburnAssassin - http://clairegillian.com/
pezie - http://www.erinbrambilla.com/
Inkstrokes - http://drlong67.wordpress.com/
WildScribe - http://DionneObesoBlog.com/
Guardian - http://daewrites.blogspot.com/
Lyra Jean - http://lyratorres.wordpress.com/
egoodlett - http://wordlarceny.blogspot.com/
cwachob - http://www.corriewachob.blogspot.com/
Aheïla - http://thewriteaholicblog.wordpress.com/
faerydancer - http://digitalinkwell.wordpress.com
TheMindKiller - http://www.jabberwocky.ws/
Irissel - http://irissel.blogspot.com/

Contest post coming up tomorrow!!!