Chopping away at the dictionary-heavy manuscripts

After reading lots of blogs, critiquing lots of queries and struggling with this in my last novel I found many ways how you can chop at your manuscript without completely chopping off all the meat and only leaving the bones. Many writers I know have a tendency to over write. Let’s just say some novels run up to 200,000 and over and that is way too long unless you are a known author. For me this current revision of Overcast Shadows I planned everything out chapter by chapter and ended a little fewer than 88,000 which was perfect, but how did I keep it so low, considering the amount of story I have packed up in like 350 pages. Here are my tips and I hope they can help you if you are running into this problem.


• Focus on the action and what is happening. Do spend time on describing the setting, emotions and the way your character thinks but don't spend ten pages describing the velvet cloth that covered the mahogany brown bed. Over description can dull the story down and will make you word count higher than needed.

• Some scenes are unnecessary. Keep scenes that are crucial for the story to move on. Also make sure that every scene keeps the story progressing because if it doesn't it simply shouldn't be there.

• Don't write things like: James noticed that or James saw this. Believe me once I took all that out and rewrote it with real prose it cut nearly 1,000 words which was quite surprising. Instead switch that with describing what James saw to the reader.

• Take out unneeded words. You have to be very clear and concise when writing so its easy for any level reader to follow the story. Some words which shouldn't be there way too many times. Search and find them and you will see how many you can really take out. Here is a list I came up wit from many different sources and from my personal experience. (In no particular order):

• Very

• And Also

• Extremely

• Basically

• Considered to be

• Kind of

• Literally

• The reason why is because

• On account of

• Strangely

• Unadvisable

• Thus

• Thusly

• Really

• of

• Regardless

• Quite

• Fairly

• Sometimes

• Often

• However

• Many

• Interesting

• Amazing

• Super

• Suddenly

• Hopefully

• Slightly

• Avoid Fragmented sentences

• And last but not least keep a very rough outline or synopsis that you can follow so that you won't go off course. So how about you? How do you keep your word count from exploding?

Interview with Stuart Nachbar, Author of Defending College Heights

So today we have Stuart here to interview and he has written a few novels published through iUniverse instead of through vanity publishing.  He also talks about why he chose that route. Leave a comment and your opinions if you have read the novel!
Firstly can you tell us a little bit about your novel Defending College Heights?

Defending College Heights is a story of an investigation into the murder of a U.S. Army recruiter on a college campus, Hudson Technical University in New York State. Anti-war activists are first suspected to be involved, but as the story unravels the truth about the murder and the future of the college are closely linked together.
What is your writing background up until now?
Defending College Heights is my second novel. My first, The Sex Ed Chronicles, is the story of a young reporter who comes to the aid of a teacher who is accused of teaching sex education and blacklisted by a conservative parent's group. That story takes place in 1980 New Jersey as the state board of education considers sex ed while politics are shifting to the right.
What inspired your idea for your currently published novel?
I worked for ten years in software marketing and college career counselors were clients. I learned a lot about on-campus recruiting as well as military recruiting through my work. I also followed education politics quite closely. I was curious to learn what might happen if a recruiter were actually murdered--such an event has never happened--and to compare Vietnam-era anti-war activism with anti-war activism today.
Do you have any specific daily writing routines you stick to?
I blog most mornings on education-related topics on my own site at www.EducatedQuest.com and reserve the remainder of the day for writing and research for the novels.
So now that you have published Defending College Heights and a few other novels are you planning a next novel we should be looking forward to?
I am finishing the manuscript for a new novel, Tip Offs, about a young bank executive who reluctantly becomes a girl's high school basketball coach.
Very interesting. We will look out for that one. After you completed Defending College Heights or your very first novel how difficult was it for you to land an agent?
For The Sex Ed Chronicles, my goal was to complete and write a compelling story. I did not give consideration to seeking an agent. I felt that I had worked so hard on the story that I wanted to see it published. So, I went the print-on-demand route through iUniverse. My relationship with iUniverse was successful. Chronicles earned Publisher's Choice, their highest writing and design award, and the story got into Barnes and Noble and Borders stores close to home. For Defending I tried to get an agent. I went to a Writer's Digest "pitch-slam" that was a part of Book Expo America. I spoke to five agents, got five requests for chapters, but all rejections.
The same thing happened when I contacted agents I had researched though Predators and Editors, an excellent reference site. So, I went the print-on-demand route again. The story also won an iUniverse award as well as a presence in bookstores. Defending has reviewed very well, so I'm convinced that the next time will be the charmer. I have gotten considerable advice and criticism for Tip Offs that has helped make it a better story. I will go the traditional route for this book and work with an agent.
Would you have any advice for aspiring writers?
Write about what you know. I worked with schools for several years, so I had a good understanding of their issues and politics. I had contacts who could help fill in the blanks in my knowledge. I want people to believe that I have added something new to help them understand some very complex issues. Find serious readers, writers and instructors. After my experiences with writing Chronicles, I invested in workshops conducted at Colgate University, the University of Wisconsin-Madison and by Writer's Digest Online. I needed to know the basics about how stories must be told so that they hold the reader's attention. I received the best direction from instructors who are also professional writers. Develop a Web presence and learn as much as possible about marketing online. I had been in an Internet business before I started writing but I knew little to nothing about search engine optimization and search engine marketing, among other things. I discovered these were musts. The most cost effective way to sell and promote is online; the 'Net takes you to the largest possible audience. I'm now enrolled in a certificate program in digital media marketing at New York University, and so far that education has been worth every penny.
Would you have done anything differently?
Possibly. I might have been better served to take the digital media courses earlier, but the technology available to writers four-five years ago was not close to what it is today. I might have blogged earlier, too.
After doing Defending through print-on-demand, I worked with a very good editor to shape up the story. Had I worked with an editor prior to submitting the manuscript and remained persistent, I believe that I would have earned representation. Defending became that good a story.

Thanks so much for your time Stuart and I hope you guys enjoy!

What keeps you writing?

From the first day you start writing you being for yourself. Clearly for the love of well...writing. But as you read all these blogs and as you discover how to get your novel published that’s what your goal is. The simple joy of writing is well...gone. Admit it.




You still enjoy to write and it is still your passion but would you write that novel if you knew it would never be published? If only a few family and friends praised it and then you were forced to stash it in the drawer? As I think more and more of this, most of us do write to be published.



Most of us want to be those 1 in a million people that become famous with writing, even if we know its practically impossible. But when critiques come in and say that there is no chance how do you take it? If you really love writing you won't give up. Instead you will keep going and improving, using those critiques to improve but if you are writing to be published you might as well trash your novel now.



What about you? What keeps you writing when you are feeling rejected by agents?

Contest Alert!

''Dear Lucky Agent'' Contest: Middle Grade and Young Adult (with agent Regina Brooks).  *This contest is being held by guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog not me.  Check out their site for more information. I pasted the main things you need to enter below:

HOW TO SUBMIT


E-mail entries to fourthagentcontest@gmail.com. Please paste everything. No attachments.

WHAT TO SUBMIT

first 150-200 words of your unpublished, book-length work of middle grade or young adult fiction. You must include a contact e-mail address with your entry and use your real name. Also, submit the title of the work and a logline (one-sentence description of the work) with your entry.

Please note: To be eligible to submit, I ask that you do one of two things: 1) Mention and link to this contest twice through your social media—blogs, Twitter, Facebook; or 2) just mention this contest once and also add Guide to Literary Agents Blog (www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog) to your blogroll. Please provide link(s) so I can verify eligibility!

CONTEST DETAILS

1. This contest will be live for approximately fourteen days—from March 31 through the end of Wednesday, April 14, EST. Winners notified by e-mail within 14 days of end of contest. Winners announced on the blog thereafter.

2. To enter, submit the first 150-200 words of your book. Shorter or longer entries will not be considered. Keep it within word count range please.

3. This contest is solely for completed book-length works of middle grade and young adult fiction (kids novels).

4. You can submit as many times as you wish. You can submit even if you submitted to other contests in the past, but please note that past winners cannot win again.

5. The contest is open to everyone of all ages, save those employees, officers and directors of GLA's publisher, F+W Media.

6. By e-mailing your entry, you are submitting an entry for consideration in this contest and thereby agreeing to the terms written here as well as any terms added by me in the "Comments" section of this blog post. (If you have questions or concerns, write me personally at literaryagent@fwmedia.com.)

PRIZES!!!

Top 3 winners all get: 1) A critique of 10 pages of your work, by your agent judge. 2) A free one-year subscription to WritersMarket.com.

Exclusive Query letters

We all want the greatest chance of getting an agent. Do exclusive queries really make agents pay more attention to us? In one way they are worse because we have to wait. But at the same time patience is everything in the publishing world. The other way if this is a reputable agency that you really want to land then maybe its worth the wait...Personally I sent out one exclusive query letter and am still waiting for a reply. The only reason I took that step was because the agent is surely reputable and because they are looking for a novel just like mine. How about you, what is your take on exclusive  query letters?

The Query doomed to EPIC failure

This is how to NOT write a query. It's horrible and yes I am brave enough to share it with you guys because I admit to not having developed my skills when I wrote this and I certainly hope that my current query will not be dissected in such a manner for its epic fail. Also I will be posting the rejections I got for it which was 2 rejections out of a whole pool of 11 no replies. My manuscript is completely different now and I am practically querying a new novel but I though some hopeful writers can learn something from my experience...And now the awaited epic failure query...


Dear (Insert Agent name),
I am seeking representation for my fantasy adventure novel “The Coming”, complete at 90,000 words. I am enclosing a synopsis and a sample chapter. The sequel, “The Return”, is nearing completion and the third book in the trilogy “The Sacrifice” featuring the same characters, is in outline form. “The Coming” can stand as a stand alone novel, though can also be extended to a trilogy.

Like I usually say to everyone else. No reason to mention anything about trilogies or what not. First get your first book agented then you can talk.

Earth - A planet which is divided in two outstandingly different worlds…

Cliché Alert!!!

Millions of years ago the very first settlements of civilized humanity included one man which invented something brilliant, yet destructive and unwanted.

That sounds ridiculous since the nuclear bomb wasn't invented a million years ago. Back then I thought it sounded cool... Ha!

A nuclear bomb. The mechanism brought nothing but doom, resulting in a complete collapse of the opposite dimension and destroying all living beings and plants into the simplest of all particles - dust.

Dust isn't even the simplest of particles. I should have learned my basic science before writing this!

As thousands of years passed, the opposite dimension evolved into what humans are today, at the colossal year of 2024.

That isn't a colossal year and this becomes Very confusing. There is no hook and the main Character hasn't been mentioned. Rejection if I were an agent. I am not surprised I got so many no replies.

Not many know of the other dimension which lays right below our finger tips, except for the many scientists which had spent their lives work on research. Mutated humans and animals roam the opposite dimension, some created by scientists of the other dimension and some modified by radiation. The dust had long gone, but a completely different atmosphere evolved, leaving the isolated human settlements fighting for life, and simple survival.

This is all confusing back-story and the query doesn't even speak of the MC. Practically already a failure on EPIC proportions. This is probably what someone could come up with if they were competing in the worst query contests.


16 year old Fidencio finds himself in a military base.

And? Here is another cliché I know I have committed. The dude waked up with no memory and no thoughts making him COMPLETLEY and ANNOYINGLY clueless through the rest of the novel. When I revised the only thing that keeps me from not calling it a completely new novel was the fact that I used my antagonist for my new MC. Other than that this has nothing to do with my new story line.

His memories, and thoughts erased.

Cliché Alert!!!

As he plans for escape, he finds himself lost in the outskirts of the other dimension. With romance and suspense, he finds himself tangled in a war of wits, power and strength. Races of changed humans collide against one another, conquering the battlefield with blood thirsty swords. The adventure novel entangles a web of complex characters in a want for justice, freedom and love.

I am not even going to critique that. You know what I mean to say. Epic fail.

“The Coming” is my very first novel. I'd be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

 I sound like the amateur that I was.

All the Best,

So what do you think? How horrible is it really?

For me the verdict… The worst query you can EVER dig up.

Types of Rejections

Good Saturday morning and happy Easter weekend. I realize I just posted up my organization post and I have missed two days of blogging, but I do have an excuse guys. I was in Guam running far and wide from the CIA who believes I have started spreading a nuclear conspiracy far and wide to literary agents. All right, that's just a joke. Truthfully I simply didn't have much in mind to review on Thursday and no query stats for Friday. Other than a little update on my query which I will post at the end here. So today I wanted to talk about rejection letters, for I am afraid I am going to be getting some...There are quite a few of these babies that you may hope or not to get after you have sent your query. Here goes a list I have created.


Personalized Rejection: This probably means that the agent really liked your work. So good news so far. The only problem is that it most likely isn't right for them. Resend to someone else and hope for the best.

The Idea rejection: In this type of letter the agent will most likely ask if you have any other novels up your sleeve because they like the way you write but your idea either really compares to an already published one or simply your project is far from original. This is also good news for you as a writer but bad news for the manuscript you have been slaving off of.

The Revision Rejection: This is probably in my opinion worse than the personalized rejection but its still fairly good news. They like it. They only have a problem with the opening, ending, middle, climax, MC, plot holes, whatever. There is so much I can list, but either way all you have to do is revise like crazy and return to the agent hoping that they will accept, but keep this in mind. Some agent's revision suggestions are very personal and may not apply to others so don't accept what your gut tells you not to.

Last but not least...The dreaded form rejection: Ok, fine. The form rejection isn't so dreaded because at times the project isn't right for the agent. Still this is probably the worst rejection you can get, particularly if you got it from 10 or more agents. That’s a hint for you to stop querying, and take a look at your query. There are countless things in an idea or a query that can make agents reject. This is what I have come up with...

• They just don't like it and it’s boring. I hate to admit it but some *winning* queries I have read are great but the idea doesn't appeal to me. It sounds like a boring read. Just like us agents have personal opinions so respect them because if they don't like your novel better they don't represent you. Let me rephrase that... They will just hit the big red rejection button.

• You messed up with the guidelines. That seems just careless to the agent. No salutation, spelling issues, wrong formatting and so on.

• Your word count is too long. 120,000 is the highest word count for a first time author, unless you want to pile up on rejections just for your count. If your story is stellar and you have a higher word count you may have a chance but still I personally wouldn't risk it.

• You didn't mention the story in your query. Don't talk about how amazing it is and how epic oh and how amazing you are. If the story really is that amazing it will talk for itself.

• don't mass submit. That has been said so many time I don't even know why I am repeating it.

Anyways. There you go. So how do you react to rejections and what make you keep going when it looks like there is no hope. (I hope that you aren't in that situation. lol.)

My Query Stat: Ok so I have sent off one query and I may be too hopeful but I sent it off to one agent. Yes, its exclusive and I did mention it. I just want to see a first reaction because I feared blowing my chances with 10 great agents. The agent has preference and likes that exactly fit to my novel so I hope that goes well. According to people on AW they reply quite quickly so I will be looking forward to a reply and will update you guys. Again, I am not too hopeful and don't start thinking that I expect myself to be represented after sending only one query. I wish. Happy Easter!