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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

AW June Blog Chain

June’s Blog Chain is about presenting a scene that defines your main character’s attitude. I’ve selected a scene from my current MS, OVERCAST SHADOWS. He never knew what love was until around this scene...

Slowly they shuffled on the narrow, wooden pier, standing close to the middle so they wouldn’t fall into the deep, cold lake far below. The wooden structure ended after a few meters, at the spot where the executed bodies were thrown into the deep lake. The gusts of wind were cold and strong up on the pier, and Tiya grasped his hand tighter.

“We’ll have to jump and then swim to shore,” he told her.

“Is this the only way?” she asked as she looked up at his face, her eyes widened in fear. He looked down. The fall would be long and dark until they would hit the murky water.

“Yes, it is.” Vitiosus whispered. Tiya’s hair was tousling in the cool wind, her eyes shone in the dark and her lips were parted.

“I can’t,” she mumbled. They were standing so close to each other on the small walk bridge that Vitiosus could feel her warm breath against the skin of his cheek.

“Tiya, please…there is no other way.” Vitiosus took her shoulder gently and felt himself once again mesmerized by her honey brown eyes that were staring back at him.

“I ca—” Tiya whispered. She stopped when Vitiosus leaned in to kiss her. His heart was beating violently and his mind was swirling in confusion but it suddenly all felt right when their lips eagerly touched and his blood rushed through his body. It felt like the whole world was put on hold when Vitiosus put his arms around Tiya’s waist, hugging her more tightly as the wind blew around them. Tiya’s hands wrapped around him, and the wind surrounded them as one. After a long embrace, they reluctantly parted and gazed at each other in awe, each knowing that they had changed in some way. Vitiosus had never felt love before, and what he felt for Tiya was rushing through his blood in unstoppable waterfalls of emotions.

Tiya touched his cheek with her cold fingers, her eyes still glued to his and whispered, “If there is no other way, I will jump.”

Here is the list of participants to the June Blog Chain:

Aimee Laine:
Lyra Jean:
Fokker Aeroplanbau:
Alpha Echo:
xcomplex: ME!!!

*If you didn't get a comment from me! I am reading all your posts now :)


  1. "...unstoppable waterfalls of emotions."
    That's some powerful emotion. :)

  2. Very nice job! Very emotional scene...

    And I KNOW I'm not here to give a crit...but there was one thing that bothered me with your writing. I think you tell too much instead of showining. If you showed some more and didn't tell (telling would be 'they were' 'she felt' ect...) I think you could make it REALLY powerful.

  3. I love the unstoppable waterfalls description :) Poor guy, he's got it bad, hehe. Nice scene!

  4. You chose a really powerful scene to show us. I like the description of the kiss.

  5. I love how it is from the male POV. "If there is no other way I will jump." It just totally makes me wonder what your book is about.

  6. I don't think you have to be afraid of the dark, water or heights for this to be a scary situation. Contrasting that situation with an intense, first kiss is very nice.

  7. I am just trapped by the quality of this first kiss. I'm young, male, and I can happily say that I identified with this POV very strongly.

  8. "The wooden structure ended after a few meters, at the spot where the executed bodies were thrown into the deep lake."

    I love this line. I was reading along, picturing a typical windswept lake, then, whack, this is where they dispose of execution victims. Nicely done!

    After I blew my spot on the May blog chain, I'm not going to play until my schedule lets up a bit, but I am going to follow along and comment.


  9. You had me at "executed bodies". I don't think I'd want to jump in there either.

  10. I love this scene, Ariel. It is so romantic, yet emotional and suspenseful. I really want to know what/who the lovers are running from and what is going to happen next.

  11. I too was jolted by the contrast of this lovely intro then the mention of executed bodies. I half expected Vitiosus to jump in with Tiya trapped in his arms after a kissing fake out; really didn't know what to expect. LOL Glad he didn't.

  12. I am really concerned about these bodies... what are they running from or to? Excellent teaser. When you're published I suggest this scene as the except to draw people in. I would buy it.

  13. Thanks all of you guys for your awesome comments! You guys made my day!

  14. I'd love to join in the fun. Please tell me how.