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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

May Blog Chain - How to show relationship dynamics?

Describe them. The May Blog Chain with Absolute Write is in full swing and this month’s theme is relationships. Before me went Pezie and after me, Inkstrokes. The full chain is at the bottom of the post.
Instructions:

Show a character’s approach to relationships in a short scene. A harmless exchange between mother and daughter? A submissive character overwhelmed by a dominant partner? A passionate lover’s quarrel? A forlorn, unrequited letter?


Use your characters’ interaction to show the dynamics of their relationship, show how they’re growing together or growing apart, or just have silly fun. Character descriptions at the beginning are forbidden this time around–let them speak or act for themselves!


So, I'm going to go ahead and post a small part of my novel which is on submission and has received lots of full requests. Yay! Here goes...
I move the twigs aside so that I have a clear view of Lexa diving into the lake. Splash. I catch my breath as she surfaces, her skin shimmering like spider silk below the moonlight. She throws her head back and laughs. She is alone, and I am here. I take a step forward, miscalculating the results. Leaves crunch. “Shit,” I mumble and freeze. Lexa is already looking my way, her eyes wide, her hands hugging her bare chest.



“Who is there?” Her voice sounds forced, almost scared.


I stay still. What a coward. But what would she think me if I came out? Would she call me Dusty Cummins the stalker? She’s called me that before, a stalker.


“Who is there?” She looks back and forth, reminding me of a swan that has lost her way. Her hair whips against her shoulders.


God, she is so beautiful, so fragile, and when she said she hated me she didn’t mean it. I know she didn’t. She’s only afraid of the others, showing that she likes Dusty Cummins, the son of a poor beggar, the laugh of the school, the poet. She doesn’t just like me, she loves me, and I love her.


Lexa dips back into the lake so that only her head pops out and she shivers. Her shiver sends the hairs on my neck on end, and I want nothing more than to comfort her, to hold her close.


“Lexy, where are you?”


“I’m here, in the lake.”


That would be Lavelle, her boyfriend. He doesn’t deserve her. I turn to leave, but Lavelle isn’t there, and Lexa is still here. This in my only chance to be alone with her, to tell her what I feel. I tuck my hair behind my ears, straighten my suit, and emerge from the foliage.


Lexa’s mouth drops open.


I smile. She knows she’s happy to see me, I’m sure of it. She just isn’t showing it, yet. She’s just surprised, maybe even scared that Lavelle will see me with her.


“Dusty Cummins?” Her face scrunches and she frowns. “What in all hell are you doing here?”


Sand trickles in my shoes as I trudge through the beach and pick up her clothes. They’re warm to the touch from the summer breeze. A soft scent of flowers and fresh bread lingers with her petticoat. It’s the same scent her golden locks smell of from afar. It’s an indescribable scent.


“Put my clothes down,” she yells. Her hand comes out of the water holding a pebble, and she eyes me suspiciously. “I swear I will stone you if you won’t.”


She is just scared. That is all. As I stare into her widened eyes, the last poem I’ve written for her rings in my ears and I have to recite it to her. “I've written you a poem, Lexa. Like desperate souls, two vain beings stand. Forgiven of sin, forgotten of love. The darkness retreats, and she’s back in his arms. We call on a the sky with its billowing wisps, where seagulls will churn and fall to the depths” Before I can finish the first verse, she throws the pebble.


Tell me what you think and visit the other awesome bloggers!!!


orion_mk3 - http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com


Proach - http://desstories.blogspot.com/
Yoghurtelf - http://thefarseas.blogspot.com/
AuburnAssassin - http://clairegillian.com/
aimeelaine - http://www.aimeelaine.com/blog
Della Odell - http://dellaodell.wordpress.com/
jkellerford - http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com/
LadyMage - http://www.katherinegilraine.com/
pezie - http://www.erinbrambilla.com/
xcomplex - ME!!!
Inkstrokes - http://drlong67.wordpress.com/
ElizaFaith13 - http://www.girlspwn.blogspot.com/
dolores haze - http://dianedooley.wordpress.com/
juniper - http://www.katjuniper.com/
Steam&Ink - http://steamandink.blogspot.com/

Gosh, my spacing is really messed up and I can't seem to fix it. Sorry! Also, I will be giving out an award and hosting a contest in the next couple of days!

12 comments:

  1. Whoa! Dusty is creepy, even by my standards. Some lovely description and great one-sided love. I'd say unrequitted, but I have an idea she knows how Dusty feels and isn't similarily inclined.

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  2. Great snippet and good luck with those requests!

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  3. I got kind of a creepy vibe from Dusty too, almost stalker-ish. I wonder how Lexi & her boyfriend will handle this? Will Dusty turn out to be not-so-bad after all? Or is he as creepy as he seems here?

    Nice job & good luck with your submissions!

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  4. Both creepy and heartbreaking at the same time. I'm glad she threw that rock though. LOL The part about the water on her skin looking like spider silk in the moonlight was just lovely.

    Good luck with your submissions.

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  5. Tender and sad and beautiful. Poor Dusty. He IS a stalker. Loved his poem.

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  6. I think I can see why this has been getting a lot of requests. Strong character, excellent description and a creepy vibe that doesn't inspire revulsion so much as pity.

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  7. Sensuous, creepy - really a nice bit here. Poor delusional Dusty. "She doesn’t just like me, she loves me, and I love her."

    Strong writing - good luck and great success with your submissions!

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  8. Romance turns to stalking. This won't end well.

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  9. O.o Dusty is a little, err...creepy. Just don't tell him I said so! I think he's delusional at best. I love it! :D

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  10. Thank you guys all SO much! Sorry I didn't get to comment much yet! I'm glad you all enjoyed it!!! CHEERS!

    X

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